Awwite you cheeky cants!
Big Guy Branston here and yes you have heard it right. Not only am I one part footballer I am now one part football agent. And since signing up to do my HND in Football Agenting at the Burton Polytechnic I get to hear all the latest deadline day gossip and I have got some corkers for you Latics fans.
Keep it on the the down low but by all accounts Latics are gonna be making a swoop for Sheffield Wednesday left back Micheal Gray. And how they going to pay for this I hear you say? Only by offering the Owls Assistant Manager Martin Gray!! Thats crazy...crazy I tells you!!
Oh I theres more don't you worry. I was having a cheeky number 2 this morning before my seminar on "Accepting bribes" when I overheard a fellow agent on the phone in the toilets sorting out a deal for Ryan Brooke. Its not common knowledge so keep it quiet but apparently young Brookey has been wetting the appetite of good old ginger Moyes and Everton are gonna come in with a 300k bid for the little scamp.
Finally, I was in the Students Union before having a few wife beaters with Lids and Warney and the conversation got a bit saucy and we were talking Chrissy Taylor. He's only gone and bloody singed for Sheffield United! Crikey!!
Anyways I must dash, just got some little blond pieces number and I fancy smashing her back doors in! OI OI !!
Branny
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Ex Latic sets up Latics downfall plus League 1 Results
Surprise Surprise, it was Darren Byfield who set up Walsall's first as runny and inconsistent Latics side went down 3 0 in the Midlands. Check out the Boundary Boos official match report later on today for the full run of last nights proceedings. Here is the full results from last nights League 1 programme
Charlton 4 v 2 Bristol Rovers 15,885
Colchester 2 v 0 Stockport 3,818
Exeter City 1 v 1 Millwall 5,732
Gillingham 1 v 0 Yeovil Town 4,450
Hartlepool 1 v 3 Southampton 3,818
Leeds United 1 v 0 Leyton Orient 19,744
MK Dons 3 v 4 Carlisle 9,459
Norwich City 4 v 1 Brighton 24,670
Swindon Town 2 v 1 Huddersfield 6,630
Tranmere 2 v 0 Southend 4,317
Walsall 3 v 0 Oldham 3,191
Wycombe 1 v 0 Brentford 5,181
Carlo Corrazin "ooo some splendid action to see last night eh!"
Charlton 4 v 2 Bristol Rovers 15,885
Colchester 2 v 0 Stockport 3,818
Exeter City 1 v 1 Millwall 5,732
Gillingham 1 v 0 Yeovil Town 4,450
Hartlepool 1 v 3 Southampton 3,818
Leeds United 1 v 0 Leyton Orient 19,744
MK Dons 3 v 4 Carlisle 9,459
Norwich City 4 v 1 Brighton 24,670
Swindon Town 2 v 1 Huddersfield 6,630
Tranmere 2 v 0 Southend 4,317
Walsall 3 v 0 Oldham 3,191
Wycombe 1 v 0 Brentford 5,181
Carlo Corrazin "ooo some splendid action to see last night eh!"
Agony Aunt
Hey there we at Boundary Booos are not just here in order to talk football we're also here to lend an ear and give you advice on all problems in life, (it's only for people related to Oldham Athletic Football Club mind we we aint helping any of you foreign lot). We have the Dr of Lurve, the one and only Lee Richardson to help listen to peoples queries.
Hi there Dr Lee in the house, I know what you guys are thinking and yes you are correct I do have a 13 inch penis, and my long hair back in the 90's was the subject of my other life as a pornographic performer. As well as this I played many nights in the Oldham Rock Centre in our band "Hair" alongside other members Neil Pointon, Mark Brennen and not forgetting Nicky Banger on drums, (he would hit that target every time!!!)
Dear Lee, I've been having a lot of trouble lately with masturbation I just can't keep hold of the god dam thing, it's like the pace the thing is just too fast for my brain to hand co-ordination and it just slips away from me. I've tried and tried to practice, which is why I have taken up a career as a professional goalkeeper at some gullible 3rd tier football club who bought my ad, but I've played a fair few games and still the whole thing is not working, my balls are going to explode what should I do? D Brill aged 23
Maybe your just not a Dr of Lurve like me, I have no problem whatsoever as my sheer brilliance on the ball tends to just all go through in one motion, hell I could probably play as a goalkeeper for this football club better than you, what would you say If I was to apply for your job?
Dear Lee, I've have a problem with my life, it seems that she doesn't listen to me anymore, it's like I'm a ghost, just the other day we met in the hallway and I let her past me just like I do in any of those situations in life and I got no thank you or any acknowledgement whatsoever. It's the same thing in bed she doesn't let me doing anything when we're getting down and dirty, she just dominates me just like in my professional life, the only other position we've tried is doggystyle but whenever I attempt it she just falls asleep as if I don't have enough physical power. What can I do to get noticed? D Whittaker aged 29
Well man it would help if you had long hair, the chicks dig that sort of stuff, also make more noise around the house, maybe take up playing the guitar, chicks dig the sound of the Blues blasting out first thing in the morning it gets the ladyeez so horny.
Hi there Dr Lee in the house, I know what you guys are thinking and yes you are correct I do have a 13 inch penis, and my long hair back in the 90's was the subject of my other life as a pornographic performer. As well as this I played many nights in the Oldham Rock Centre in our band "Hair" alongside other members Neil Pointon, Mark Brennen and not forgetting Nicky Banger on drums, (he would hit that target every time!!!)
Dear Lee, I've been having a lot of trouble lately with masturbation I just can't keep hold of the god dam thing, it's like the pace the thing is just too fast for my brain to hand co-ordination and it just slips away from me. I've tried and tried to practice, which is why I have taken up a career as a professional goalkeeper at some gullible 3rd tier football club who bought my ad, but I've played a fair few games and still the whole thing is not working, my balls are going to explode what should I do? D Brill aged 23
Maybe your just not a Dr of Lurve like me, I have no problem whatsoever as my sheer brilliance on the ball tends to just all go through in one motion, hell I could probably play as a goalkeeper for this football club better than you, what would you say If I was to apply for your job?
Dear Lee, I've have a problem with my life, it seems that she doesn't listen to me anymore, it's like I'm a ghost, just the other day we met in the hallway and I let her past me just like I do in any of those situations in life and I got no thank you or any acknowledgement whatsoever. It's the same thing in bed she doesn't let me doing anything when we're getting down and dirty, she just dominates me just like in my professional life, the only other position we've tried is doggystyle but whenever I attempt it she just falls asleep as if I don't have enough physical power. What can I do to get noticed? D Whittaker aged 29
Well man it would help if you had long hair, the chicks dig that sort of stuff, also make more noise around the house, maybe take up playing the guitar, chicks dig the sound of the Blues blasting out first thing in the morning it gets the ladyeez so horny.
Thursday, 19 November 2009
EMAIL INBOX
This weeks letters have been pouring in already. THANK YOU!!! THANKS EVER SOOO MUCH, DANKE!!!!
Dear Boundary Boos
Hi my name is Helen, I fancy the pants of Dean Smalley, he is so lovely, his knees are divine. I don't think I will read your fanzine ever again if Dean Furman wins your latest poll I would feel like a traitor. Its a shame because I really like the Boundary Boos. COME ON EVERYONE VOTE FOR DEANO SMALLEY PLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAAASSSEEE!
Helen xxx
Sorry Helen I hate Dean Smalley I hope he loses (both knees!)
Hey BB
Your French corrispondent is a cunt, tell him to fuck off
Anon
Ouch, I did what you said and he just tried to bite my nose off, why dont you FUCK OFF!
Hi Boundary Boos,
While I think your great and all, I do get bored of reading so much, can we have more pics and vids please!
Jason Crowe
Haha funny you should mention that young Jason, there will be a Pics Special coming soon! And keep your eyes peeled for a VERY special Film.
Dear Boundary Boos
Hi my name is Helen, I fancy the pants of Dean Smalley, he is so lovely, his knees are divine. I don't think I will read your fanzine ever again if Dean Furman wins your latest poll I would feel like a traitor. Its a shame because I really like the Boundary Boos. COME ON EVERYONE VOTE FOR DEANO SMALLEY PLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAAASSSEEE!
Helen xxx
Sorry Helen I hate Dean Smalley I hope he loses (both knees!)
Hey BB
Your French corrispondent is a cunt, tell him to fuck off
Anon
Ouch, I did what you said and he just tried to bite my nose off, why dont you FUCK OFF!
Hi Boundary Boos,
While I think your great and all, I do get bored of reading so much, can we have more pics and vids please!
Jason Crowe
Haha funny you should mention that young Jason, there will be a Pics Special coming soon! And keep your eyes peeled for a VERY special Film.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Keep THIS!
Now now, Goalkeeping isn't all about saves and clean sheets!
Oooo hello, Dean Spill here, personal Goalkeeping Coach to Dean Brill. I was just having a debate with young Dean about the fundamentals of Goalkeeping and I am disappointed to see that the young man still has a lot to learn. He keeps going on about how, he wants to improve his "shot stopping", "handling" and "organising the defence" when he hasn't even started on the basics yet!
As Deano isn't listening I guess i'll share me secrets with you guys instead while your here! I'll start off with some basic rules to keeping goal:
1. Free kicks are dangerous, stand in the middle of the goal and look the other way so the kicker doesn't know which way you will dive.
2. Don't get drawn off your line when the ball gets crossed in, those outfielders can be pretty rough and Goalkeepers bruise easily.
3. When possible try not to dive, the English Football season runs throughout winter and the pitches can get muddy and it can be a pain to wash off your shorts, top and knees
4. When possible blame Kelvin Lomax for loosing his man, he's shit!
Nooo Deano Nooo, I don't care that you have just saved 5 free kicks in a row that's not how you defend them! You stand behind your wall, theres less chance of you getting hurt lad!
Oooo hello, Dean Spill here, personal Goalkeeping Coach to Dean Brill. I was just having a debate with young Dean about the fundamentals of Goalkeeping and I am disappointed to see that the young man still has a lot to learn. He keeps going on about how, he wants to improve his "shot stopping", "handling" and "organising the defence" when he hasn't even started on the basics yet!
As Deano isn't listening I guess i'll share me secrets with you guys instead while your here! I'll start off with some basic rules to keeping goal:
1. Free kicks are dangerous, stand in the middle of the goal and look the other way so the kicker doesn't know which way you will dive.
2. Don't get drawn off your line when the ball gets crossed in, those outfielders can be pretty rough and Goalkeepers bruise easily.
3. When possible try not to dive, the English Football season runs throughout winter and the pitches can get muddy and it can be a pain to wash off your shorts, top and knees
4. When possible blame Kelvin Lomax for loosing his man, he's shit!
Nooo Deano Nooo, I don't care that you have just saved 5 free kicks in a row that's not how you defend them! You stand behind your wall, theres less chance of you getting hurt lad!
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Cross Channel Chat. Aaaaarrrrrrrggghh.
Who says we Oldhamers are not a cultured bunch?
We've only been up and running for a few hours and we have already had contact from our French correspondent and award winning football columnist Karim Menacere. Lets see what he has to say.
C
Aaaaarrrrrrrggghh.. Je voyage tous les samedis de regarder La Tics et je pense que si je continue de regarder le merde depuis le début de la saison puis je vais trouver personellement Dave Pound et crier ‘BOOOOOOOOOO !’ haute et forte a l’oreille ! Mon problème est, surtout, je déteste le milieu de terrain, surtout le jouer qui n’a pas le cheveux- Danny Whitaker… quelle batard.. !! Il est un petit chat timide.. !! oú ..je veux dire CHAT.. !! Ma Mère est meilleur que Danny Shitaker et elle n’a pas des jambes.. !! uuuuuggghh.. quelle horreur ! Je pense que c’est absolument nécessaire a changer Shits pour mon jouer favorite et mon idole dans la vie, Kelvin Nomax. Il est tout ce que j'aspire à être et avant que je quitté ma maison à Lyon depuis 3 années, j'ai dit à ma mère que je reviendrais comme le Kelvin Elle m'a toujours voulu être ! Je trouve le façon dont il joue pour être très sexy et je pense que dans le futur il sera le jouer du monde, les rues a venir de Zinedine Zidane. Cependant, cela est évident pour tous qui a un cerveau de football. Finalement, Je suis très impressionné par la chanson ‘BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’ Il me permet de libérer ma colère d’avoir un pénis qui ne peuvent pas se lever. Rendez- vous tous au théâtre de merde !
Karim
We've only been up and running for a few hours and we have already had contact from our French correspondent and award winning football columnist Karim Menacere. Lets see what he has to say.
C
Aaaaarrrrrrrggghh.. Je voyage tous les samedis de regarder La Tics et je pense que si je continue de regarder le merde depuis le début de la saison puis je vais trouver personellement Dave Pound et crier ‘BOOOOOOOOOO !’ haute et forte a l’oreille ! Mon problème est, surtout, je déteste le milieu de terrain, surtout le jouer qui n’a pas le cheveux- Danny Whitaker… quelle batard.. !! Il est un petit chat timide.. !! oú ..je veux dire CHAT.. !! Ma Mère est meilleur que Danny Shitaker et elle n’a pas des jambes.. !! uuuuuggghh.. quelle horreur ! Je pense que c’est absolument nécessaire a changer Shits pour mon jouer favorite et mon idole dans la vie, Kelvin Nomax. Il est tout ce que j'aspire à être et avant que je quitté ma maison à Lyon depuis 3 années, j'ai dit à ma mère que je reviendrais comme le Kelvin Elle m'a toujours voulu être ! Je trouve le façon dont il joue pour être très sexy et je pense que dans le futur il sera le jouer du monde, les rues a venir de Zinedine Zidane. Cependant, cela est évident pour tous qui a un cerveau de football. Finalement, Je suis très impressionné par la chanson ‘BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’ Il me permet de libérer ma colère d’avoir un pénis qui ne peuvent pas se lever. Rendez- vous tous au théâtre de merde !
Karim
Welcome!
Ahem,
Welcome to the Boundary Boo's everyone, I hope you enjoyed Lesson 1 of our E-learning series. Come back for "Lesson 2: Who to Boo" next week, its sure to be a cracker.
Do remember though we are not just an educational institution we are also the newest and already the best Oldham Athletic Fanzine on the web. Check back regularly for match reports, expert opinion, letters, polls and special guests and plenty more from your favourite club.
Make sure you get down to fortress Boundary on Saturday for the big match vs Colchester United, if your lucky you might even see a goal!
C x
Welcome to the Boundary Boo's everyone, I hope you enjoyed Lesson 1 of our E-learning series. Come back for "Lesson 2: Who to Boo" next week, its sure to be a cracker.
Do remember though we are not just an educational institution we are also the newest and already the best Oldham Athletic Fanzine on the web. Check back regularly for match reports, expert opinion, letters, polls and special guests and plenty more from your favourite club.
Make sure you get down to fortress Boundary on Saturday for the big match vs Colchester United, if your lucky you might even see a goal!
C x
Boundary Boos Lesson 1: The Language of a Booer
BLOODY RUBBISH WOMAN!
BOOOO!!! Should have stuck with the bloody last wife! If you can't even cook up a simple bacon omelette for your man when he gets home from work what's the bloody point! Never mind the problems you have with giving head! I'm going to have to go anyway, i've got to take my first "E-Learning" Seminar for the Boundary Boo's. GET IT SORTED WOMAN by the time I'm home or its the cupboard for you!!!RUBBISH! *puts down phone*
Riight, Hello students sorry I'm a bit late, had to call the wife. Now I'm gonna get straight to the point. Now you've graduated from the Boundary Blues, its my job to get those bloody optimistic grins off your faces and make you into a real Oldham fan.
My name is Professor Pete Bleak, and todays lesson is simple. You are going to write down a number of popular words and phrases from the Boundary Park terraces memorise them and then shout them back at me. Got it?! Right here goes:
1. BLOODY RUBBISH!!!
2. GET IT FORWARD!!!
3. GET HIM OFF PENNEY!!!
4. GET BLOODY SHERIDAN BACK!!
5. W**KER!
6. BRING BACK ROYLE
7. IM NEVER COMING BACK TO WATCH THIS SHITE EVER AGAIN!
and of course:
8. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well that conclude Lesson 1, if you memorise those you will be well on your way to becoming a professional Booer.
And one final thing students don't forget the Boundary Boo's motto... The longer the "oooo", the better the "BOOOO".
BOOOO!!! Should have stuck with the bloody last wife! If you can't even cook up a simple bacon omelette for your man when he gets home from work what's the bloody point! Never mind the problems you have with giving head! I'm going to have to go anyway, i've got to take my first "E-Learning" Seminar for the Boundary Boo's. GET IT SORTED WOMAN by the time I'm home or its the cupboard for you!!!RUBBISH! *puts down phone*
Riight, Hello students sorry I'm a bit late, had to call the wife. Now I'm gonna get straight to the point. Now you've graduated from the Boundary Blues, its my job to get those bloody optimistic grins off your faces and make you into a real Oldham fan.
My name is Professor Pete Bleak, and todays lesson is simple. You are going to write down a number of popular words and phrases from the Boundary Park terraces memorise them and then shout them back at me. Got it?! Right here goes:
1. BLOODY RUBBISH!!!
2. GET IT FORWARD!!!
3. GET HIM OFF PENNEY!!!
4. GET BLOODY SHERIDAN BACK!!
5. W**KER!
6. BRING BACK ROYLE
7. IM NEVER COMING BACK TO WATCH THIS SHITE EVER AGAIN!
and of course:
8. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well that conclude Lesson 1, if you memorise those you will be well on your way to becoming a professional Booer.
And one final thing students don't forget the Boundary Boo's motto... The longer the "oooo", the better the "BOOOO".
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